The Random Story of The Year
by snowflakey-n-starborn
Summary: Its in response to a METMA challenge (link and full challenge details at the end) READ IT AND LAUGH!


Response to challenge 31 (On METMA – refer to end) – By Snowflakey and Starborn

Disclaimer – We own nothing, okay? NOTHING! You no sue as we no money! The first song (aeroplane Jelly) is the right of that company – people not living in Australia MAY not understand how funny this is, you kinda need the tune. The second song (Englands National Anthem) is owned by…England I guess. (DUH) The third song (yellow submarine) is by the Beatles. (Also Duh)

After a VERY tiresome day at Hogsmeade, Draco Malfoy was using a watermelon to fly back to Hogwarts. You may wonder how he did this, and we do too. We think, however (yes, we do actually THINK) that he used some form of engorgement charm and rode it like a surfboard. (GO THE SURF-DUDES! Oh and dudesses) we could be wrong, though. Trailing behind him was a piece of string. Yes, string. On the end of this piece of string was a penguin in a tuxedo, straddled over a rather large orange muffin. The penguin was carrying a large sign that said: JUST MARRIED! On top of 12 large crates of beer. Who he was married to could have been either the muffin, Draco, or even the giant watermelon, you decide. Draco had a beer can in is hand and was singing the "I love Aeroplane Jelly" song.

"I LOVE AERO-PLANE JELLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! AEROPLANE JELLYY FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

He then proceeded to sing the national anthem, substituting food items in the place of "queen", "God" and "majesty". However as he only knew the first verse, it went along the lines of:

"Toothfairy save our gracious cucumber, long live her celery, biscuit save the Pineapple!"

As you can see he was verging on the edge of a highly dangerous drunk so all in all it was quite a funny sight, and Harry, Ron and Hermione, travelling above him in an illegal flying Professor Snape model, thought so too. Although Hermione did have the tendency to suggest points of improvement.

"THE TOOTHFAIRY ISN'T A FOOD!" She yelled, over the mad laughter issuing from Ron as he mercilessly punched the face (and private parts) of the aforementioned model. (Snape – if you've forgotten) He had received a detention from the same teacher a week ago, and was still washing the Lampshade out of his hair. (The lampshade had melted upon the sight of Snapes' ugly face peering into it.)

Harry, however, was not laughing, as he was still wondering why Dobby had such bad taste in Christmas Presents. This year Harry had received a striped shirt and plaid pants, which he just HAD to wear, because he didn't want to shatter Dobbys' self-esteem. (That was assuming that he had had any in the first place.)

Dracos' reply was lost in the wind, as the model, watermelon and muffin started to crash land on one of Hogwarts many roofs.

"OH NO!" Cried Nevil, Seamus and Dean, who had appeared from inside one of the many crates of beer.

"WE!" Cried Dean, going around the other two in Cartwheels, which he proved to be surprisingly good at.

"ARE!" Cried Seamus, doing a handstand

"Um, Line?" Cried Nevil, well, more like moaned, but anyhow.

Dean stopped cartwheeling to take out a script and say "Uffda Uffda? No, that's four lines ahead, um." He frantically started flipping pages until Hermione took out her wand and performed a spell to keep it on the right page. Neville looked over Deans shoulder and cried

"DRUNK!" Then they all took out fluffy pom-poms and started screaming.

To try and get them to refrain from bursting his eardrums Ron screamed the first thing that came into his head:  
  
"UFFDA, UFFDA!" That got everybody's attention

The second thing that came into his head as he eyed the crates of beer was:  
  
"CARPET CLEANERS!" Now everyone was just looking at him strangely, cross eyed actually.

The third thing was by far the randomnest:  
  


"Let's all play the drinking game 'I've Never!'

This was hailed with shouts of excited agreement.

"Yay."

Everybody began to come up with corny beer sayings such as "save water: drink beer" and "curtains rock my world!" (That one was from Harry, whose violent childhood and all in all depressing life (or lack of) had finally sent him over the edge. All Readers are now meant to feel sorry for Harry, and try, but fail.)

"Okay, I'll start." Ron's prefect position had made its mark on his personality (or it could have just been hanging around Hermione for four years).

"I've never … eaten spaghetti through my nostrils!"

Hermione, who had opened the crates and was dividing the beer into equal proportions, by pi, took a large swig from the one nearest to her.

"Okay, I'm next," she said in a slightly tipsy voice.

"I've never … kissed somebody the same gender as me!"

Draco drank a whole bottle, while Ron drank a sip and tried to force-feed an entire bottle to the model of Snape, muttering all the while about 'detentions' and how certain detentions can cross the 'line'

"MY TURN!" Neville yelled.

"I've never … belched so loud that the whole school fell down!"

Harry got a maniacal glint in his eye and he belched, rattling all of the windows and decimating the school.

Amidst all of the cries of pain and terror as all of the students (and beer) fell down and met a gruesome death (except the beer) Harry took a casual glug of beer as he floated away into the sunset on his yellow submarine.

THE END

(for now…) Insert evil laugh here

WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE! – By the Beatles!

In the town where I was born  
Lived a man who sailed to sea  
And he told us of his life  
In the land of submarines  
So we sailed into the sun  
Till we found the sea of green  
And we lived beneath the waves  
In our yellow submarine

We all live in a yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
We all live in a yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)

And our friends are all aboard  
Many more of them live next door  
And the band begins to play

We all live in a yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
We all live in a yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)

As we live a life of ease   
Everyone of us has all we need (has all we need)  
Sky of blue (sky of blue)  
And sea of green (sea of green)  
In our yellow (in our yellow)  
Submarine (submarine)

We all live in a yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
We all live in a yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
We all live in a yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
Yellow submarine (clap clap)  
(fades out) (clap clap!!!)

If any of you guys were wondering: her is the mighty METMA challenge!:

Challenge 31: 07.31.02 

_[Submitted by Manda] The HP characters have managed to get their hands on twelve crates of beer. Ron has the genius idea that they play a little game called "I've Never." For those of you who don't know this game, it's a drinking game. One person, Harry, for example, starts. He has to say "I've never…" and complete the sentence. He might say something like…. "I've never been locked outside in my underwear." All players who HAVE done it have to drink from their cup/bottle/whatever. It can be a sip or the whole bottle; it doesn't matter. The fic must also include:_

· someone saying "Uffda!" "Uffda" is kind of like the Norwegian form of "oy vey." YEP!

· a penguin YEP!

· an orange muffin YEP!

· Draco. Drunk. YEP!

· someone has to wear a combination of stripes and plaid YEP!

· random food items being used in nontraditional ways DEFINITELY!

· must be in .txt format, funny, original... You people know the drill. DUH!

U can get 2 METMA here:

www.geocities.com/metmamandy/


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